The List

The list

There is much I make public
And yet no one knows me
Because I spend my day building lies
Buried my truths underneath
But I never want to forget
Who I am deep down
So I’ve also constructed a list
Ten things about me that will never meet sound
I wish these things to never be spoke
Words coming from my heart that cause me to choke
So I cannot say them, I refuse to even try
Before you hear me speak the truth you will see me die
But i must offer my truth to someone
Something of a confession
To remove the weight off my shoulders
Ease my mind from what is hectic
So to the masses I give you ten things
That from henceforth will cause a stir
For I will deny all of these things
Abhor and refuse to accept every word

I’m insecure inside and I need acceptance
But I hate this truth so instead I speak reckless
I fiend for love and someone to hold
But this makes me feel weak so instead I act bold
I’ve never let myself love for I fear loss
So I keep my feelings on a leash to avoid paying that cost
I see my future filled with failure
So I remain stationary with hopes of finding hell here
I have more love to give than I know how to say
So I keep silent in hopes that someone will read my mind one day
I hope for the worst from people in all my interactions
So I can feel better about me and all my sinful actions
When I get treated wrong I know that I deserve it
Directed at me; the hate blame and words is
I think I’m too broken to ever be fixed
So I keep picking at my scabs maligning at my cysts
My soul has been lost for years
I’ve sacrificed love to accost my fears
And my fears remained with me still
While love left stains that seem so real
I can barely remember where all of this started
All that I know is that this list is filled with falseness
Lies built up to make you feel sorry
And then I crash it all down to make you feel folly
I lost count of my list and this is fine ain’t it?
For my list is covered in tears before its buried, so my list has been tainted
My lies and my truths mingle together freely
I forget what’re dreams or reality routinely
Scheming to escape from the tower that entraps
My list must never see your eyes or be heard, and that’s that.

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One Response to “The List”

  1. Sounds like your a poet. Welcome aboard.

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