The True and Trill Stories: Part 5

Exposure in Excess Eventually Equates Evolution

I rationalize my sins
By saying I may be doing Gods work
But there’s no point in maintaining that lie
Because for real I’m just a jerk
I’ve given so much of myself
But so little is seen
What you feed, you grow
So do you see my seed?
Gleams and flashes
Of brilliance and promise
Awards and metals
Are faded and tarnished
Burnt out on burnt ends
And my own food for thought
My spiritual grocery bag is tattered
From all the wars that I’ve fought 
I’m battered and bruised
My soul isn’t amused
By the offerings I bring
Or the songs that I sing
I’ve spent endless years amassing a fortune of foolish love
Not evolving at all but instead being trapped in a cycle that perpetuates that my mind is somehow above
And beyond the mental acuity of all of my peers
When to be real I’ve been weighed down by the strength of my fears
I fear failure so instead I’ve given no effort
And I give girls no time, just empty love and a night of shelter 
Pouring myself into feats and trying to manipulate my fate
And letting relationships fall just so I could save face
And in the end it’s all lost
I’ve given so much to this image, my entire life was the cost
And accosted by the fact that I try to let people in through these poems and they only see the surface
The circumference of the circle I’ve walked while beating around this fucking bush
Is greater than the weight of these shallow words that I continue to push
And shove down the throats and gullets of my readers
My food for thought is just cheap and my dessert ain’t shit either
I’ve digged and dug
To try to understand love
And all I’ve gained is the desire to eat a gun
Bite down on the bullet, hopefully appease my hellacious appetite
And stop fighting with myself, just for the sake of the fight
I’ll evolve one day and solve all my problems
But until then I’ll keep listing them over and over
So one day I can understand
And one day, I’ll grow to a state of closure 

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