Trade Deadline

I would give anything to feel nothing again

Give away my freedom to not be stuck in my head

Instead I’m trapped in my thoughts, caged in my brain

My feelings shackle me, emotions engulfing me with flames

Weighing me down, my anxiety is my spouse forevermore

Like an anchor around my neck, dragging me to the ocean floor

And I’m choking, gasping, grasping at bubbles

Plunging to my death because I allowed myself to love you

And let you love me. You were so lovely. And I was shocked that someone so heavenly yet so down to earth, like you, dug me

And now I’m digging. And searching. Looking for a means to make it.

Evade this dark passenger, that’s stuck to my skin like a stench, I can’t shake it.

Or bathe it. Or wash it.

I’ve paid what the cost is.

Accosted by my heart. That’s broken in so many ways. Here’s an acrostic:

H-eaven and hell

E-xchanged deals between demons and


R-arely result in a righteous reality

T-hreatening my dreams with a glimpse of actuality
And casually. I piece words together like a tapestry

Paint pictures in poems about love and hate, straight flex my duality

But these muscles start to atrophy. But I refuse to give up.

I’m fighting for everything I have to be gone so I can live tough.

Shits rough. Because I feel that my feelings are filling me with faulty ideals.

Ideally I’d rather die than deal with the feelings I feel. It’s too real.

Fuck it. It’s too trill. Thrilled at how enthralled my brain seems to be with my hearts fall.

I would give any and everything to have and feel nothing, I swear that I’d trade it all….



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