Eye to I: Separation

Eye to I: Separation

I think I see you clearly

I think I know myself

And I can’t treat you dearly

Nearly at a point where I cry at the thought

Of ever being happy

And instead of letting them flow, these tears I have fought

Caught myself slipping saying I love you

The thought of anything else was silly when I touched you

I owe you an explanation

Of why every time we get close I search for separation

Anticipation of seeing you again gave my heart palpitations

And I didn’t know how to handle it so again, separation

When I thought of giving it a chance my brain filled with hesitation

So instead of taking that leap, I hid under separation

I met you and I was lost, nose open, had no preparation

So to keep myself safe I sniffed out separation

No matter how hard I hid, your love made me feel levitation

And I’m afraid of you and your love more than heights so I clung to separation

You hung in there, hoping that one day I’d reach a better placement

And your patience was so warm but I decided to stay cold with separation

I thought maybe you would stop and give me isolation

Because when I’m alone I have excuses of why I love separation

I can tell myself “it’s cool, it wouldn’t have worked” to maintain the separation

I can lie to you and say I don’t know why but really I just love my separation

The safety of this place keeps my heart from getting tainted

And I can ignore my mental health and just sit and be complacent

Just wallow in my filth instead of trying for purification

And you’re the one that gets hurt because I lean on separation

And I’m sorry for the fact that I’m shitty at relations

But I’d rather be shitty so you give me separation

Instead of trying to be a good person and give you gratification

Because I don’t really know how to show that I love you

I don’t know how to stop putting my need for separation above you

You deserve better than I think I’m capable of delivering

I lack the confidence to grow so I find myself shivering

I love you.

I don’t have a fancy way to say it.

I’m sorry for all of the time that you wasted.

I’m sorry that my words are empty because my actions don’t show

I’m sorry that I ever sent you a message

I’m sorry that I can’t pay what I owe…

I’m sorry that I’m rambling…

Running out of time, I’m scrambling…

I’m sorry that I’ve ever given your eyes precipitation

So now I’ll leave you alone, I’ll give you separation

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