All the Sweet Things

All the Sweet Things

I want all the sweet things

Please, just oblige

Because life has been sour for a very long time

I want the chocolates of love

And the sweetest words you can imagine

Praise for my smile and compliments for my fashion

Everything superficial

The artificial sweeteners

Anything that’ll help me in the morning to keep keeping up

And waking up

And motivating

And living this life

I need sweets for energy to keep fighting this fight

Against sadness

It so happens

That the sweets provide glances

At what other people feel under their normal circumstances

But I’m different

And I’m lacking

Of the sweetness of serotonin

And I’m scared

That I’m backing

Myself into a corner in this moment

Where I’ll have to change

Because excuses

Can’t maintain

When I get the sweets

And I’ll lose my edge

And the things

That make me unique

So maybe there’s another way

A plan to delay

Giving in to the sweetness or the kindness of the words that people say

Instead I can hide

Indulge in the sweetness of the lies

That depression always tells me

Okay, this shit is helping

No need to be better when I don’t believe that it exists

I can shun all my hopes because I’m satisfied living in shit

Wallow in the filth and sadness of my life

Embrace the loneliness that comes with forfeiting the fight

Against the weight that is depression

Collapse beneath, and my confession

Is that it never stole my sense of self

Or made me feel anything else

That I didn’t already think

So when depression comes around I do not blink

Instead I close my eyes and accept this is my fate

Because I’ve lost all my things, and I don’t care to get them back, it’s just too late

This was not a theft, but rather capitulation, I just admit defeat

It’s too hard to yearn for all those things when the lies of depression are just as sweet

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