I’ve always struggled with the idea of self improvement

I’ve listened and learned but my core felt no movement

At my base I’m a piece of shit, it’s insane

And despite being pushed to improve ive never changed

I can hide who I am for a stretch with lies

I can lie with my smile but never with my eyes

And I’ve seen clearly who I am all along

If it’s too hard to be with you, I prefer to be alone

And i know that I’m the issue

I’m what makes it too hard

But to change that I’d have to be better

But that’s a journey too far

I’d have to deal with my trauma and my abandonment fears

And I’m sorry but nobody is worth those tears

I’d much rather disappear and steer into the skid

Of being shitty, than to try to be better for the sake of a kid

I want no pity or empathy because I’m okay with these facts

You can’t be better at love when love is what you lack

I’m emotional poison for everybody I’ve met

They try to save me and still they just die slow a death

I think it’s awesome that some people can see the potential to be better

But look away, I give up, I’ll be better… never

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