Solutions

Posted in Uncategorized on October 3, 2015 by thatguymcfly

Solutions

Fuck love
Because that other shit is permanent
She said she would hate me forever
And man I’m learning quick
That she really meant it
This feeling is so senseless
This feeling cannot last
This feeling shit is trash
To be feeling shit like this makes me want to feel my wrist with glass
And slice
But instead I just…
I fill my life with brashness
I feel and hope that it’ll cover up the sadness
And the madness but it fucking doesn’t, it’s endless
And I can’t make sense of why love left me defenseless
From this cold cold world that life gives, and now I’m listless
I’m feeling like if life provided answers, I really must’ve missed it
You came into my life and made me feel complete
But I never learned happiness on my own, this shit is weak
And I’m somehow even weaker
Because I’m dependent on this thing and I’m searching for it like a creeper
Stalker. Hiding in the bushes looking for you
Hoping I can be whole again, hoping I can renewed
But instead I’m strangely feeling so empty
Love left me with potholes on the road through life and so I’m tripping
What do I fill it with?
How do I cement my path?
I can’t replace this shit with something I do not have
Since love left me, angst has been my tool
But the hole that love left is the size of a fucking pool
So I strive for hate and despair, until I’m fat and full
And I Ignore and avoid the strength of loves pull

  
  

Directions 

Posted in Uncategorized on August 9, 2015 by thatguymcfly

Directions
Gotta move, it’s constant. The way we live life. 

Backwards or forwards is irrelevant as long it looks good right?

Weight on my back, I’m searching for words so I can shed light

Writers block got me backed up so I only find four words, this poem’ll slight
Fear, love, hate, and hope

Are the forces that dictate the directions on life’s boat

You gotta row through the hate, to find the love

And hope that you can beat your fear, and see what you’ve be become 

Future shining brighter as my pen is getting lighter

Ink spills on the page like blood does from a fighter

Right or

Wrong doesn’t matter with the one I chose; fear

Just matters if it’s in the front or in the rear 

In front of you it holds you back

That’s why you’ve got to switch it up and put it to your back

It’ll push you forward, let fear help you win, never lose

Or fail before you begin, what direction do you choose?

Pride Meets Pain

Posted in Uncategorized on August 9, 2015 by thatguymcfly

Keep so much compressed to stay composed
My smile on my face is fake, superimposed 

Gotta hide it, keep my heart and soul shrouded in shadows

Shaded by depression, silent but my volume is as loud as it goes

And who knows is no one, maintain my solitude

Stay stoic in my poses, pretend I’m a solid dude

Never shaken by a thing, stay in my place and stay strong

But behind all my fakeness while I sit and stare at asses in thongs?

Is the pain of a guy that just doesn’t know his direction

Went from faking all emotions to get girls on my erection 

Objection!

Pops up from the crowd of public opinion

Motivated to be honest but keep lying to keep up defenses

And these fences are fragile like my spirit

Drowning in anxiety, refusing all help, unable to listen

I glisten in the light but the shadows make me happy

Because brightness seems to highlight how reality is crappy

Sappy? Yes. Woe is me is my song 

I’m home with these Feelings, comfortable with being alone 

So so long to the people looking for me to be my best

And goodbye to the beating that used to percuss on my chest

Can’t fathom or swallow how my life is in shambles

My pride is what I lean on, and I know it’s such a gamble

Because it’s weak, nothing there, no way to stand tough

Only a matter of time before I decompress and confess and ultimately give up 

Trade Deadline

Posted in Uncategorized on August 5, 2015 by thatguymcfly

I would give anything to feel nothing again

Give away my freedom to not be stuck in my head

Instead I’m trapped in my thoughts, caged in my brain

My feelings shackle me, emotions engulfing me with flames

Weighing me down, my anxiety is my spouse forevermore

Like an anchor around my neck, dragging me to the ocean floor

And I’m choking, gasping, grasping at bubbles

Plunging to my death because I allowed myself to love you

And let you love me. You were so lovely. And I was shocked that someone so heavenly yet so down to earth, like you, dug me

And now I’m digging. And searching. Looking for a means to make it.

Evade this dark passenger, that’s stuck to my skin like a stench, I can’t shake it.

Or bathe it. Or wash it.

I’ve paid what the cost is.

Accosted by my heart. That’s broken in so many ways. Here’s an acrostic:

H-eaven and hell

E-xchanged deals between demons and

A-ngels

R-arely result in a righteous reality

T-hreatening my dreams with a glimpse of actuality
And casually. I piece words together like a tapestry

Paint pictures in poems about love and hate, straight flex my duality

But these muscles start to atrophy. But I refuse to give up.

I’m fighting for everything I have to be gone so I can live tough.

Shits rough. Because I feel that my feelings are filling me with faulty ideals.

Ideally I’d rather die than deal with the feelings I feel. It’s too real.

Fuck it. It’s too trill. Thrilled at how enthralled my brain seems to be with my hearts fall.

I would give any and everything to have and feel nothing, I swear that I’d trade it all….

  

Rap is like Boxing….

Posted in Uncategorized on July 23, 2015 by thatguymcfly

Rap is like boxing..
Back in the day it was all about the heavyweights. And all the greats went against the greats. BIG and Tupac. Ali and Foreman. Had the Wu. Had Louis and Frazier. So many greats. Then even after the golden era goes, you get Tyson, Holyfield, Lewis. Jay, Nas, eminem. Again, the competition was there; greats went against greats. But now? We have the small guys running rap. No actual heavyweight rappers. We got some people that are really good, welterweights and light weights and such. Mayweather, Pacman, cotto, etc… But you see how they handle competition. Mayweather ducked manny for years then gave us a lackluster fight. Drake ignores all disses unless it’s from a singer or chick. You see promise in guys like Kendrick. Berto. See the correlation? But it’s a totally different game. Don’t compare Mayweather to Ali or Tyson. Don’t compare drakes run to that of Hova. It just doesn’t work. Same comparison could be made with basketball. Drake leans on his friends to be successful. Maybe even ghost writers. Lebron leans on his friendships to win rings. They don’t really want competition. But in the golden age? Magic went at Bird. Mike and Isaiah went at it. Barkley, miller, Ewing, Malone. Everybody. It was war. Just like in rap. East versus west. East versus east. Wu against the world. Wasn’t about making friends, it was about being the best. Things are just different these days. Accept it and move on or bitch about it and be annoying. 

Dead Roses

Posted in Uncategorized on July 4, 2015 by thatguymcfly

Dead Roses
Life is given, through the tears we shed

Watering the roses, drowning them until dead

And the sky bleeds, as my heart leaks red

Broken and shattered, like the brain in my head

I can’t sustain the facade that things are okay

I can’t keep lying as the salty tears kiss my face

I can’t keep trying to run from fears that displace

My pride and my spirit, from everything that I am

I list the things that I can’t because I’m afraid of what I can

This way I remain excused and absent from failures touch

Because my resolve is so weak and my resiliency isn’t enough

I’ve lost and loved loss just from familiarity and time

It’s my partner forever, and its forced me into crime

And sin and death, and my souls petals are wilting and worn

I’m smothered by a concrete tomb and enveloped by my thorns

Self inflicted wounds make me see all these things differently

And I know you’re gone forever so these rose tints taint me visually…

So I’m stuck in a place on an island with a bouquet of disdain

All alone but still content because my tears are still rain

That help the roses grow, and I know the joy and pain that they may bring

But I’m choking on life as I force out the words, so I can sing..

  
La Vie en Rose 

“Hold me close and hold me fast

The magic spell you cast

This is la vie en rose

When you kiss me, heaven sighs

And though I close my eyes

I see la vie en rose

When you press me to your heart

I’m in a world apart

A world where roses bloom

And when you speak, angels, sing from above

Everyday words seem

To turn into love songs

Give your heart and soul to me

And life will always be

La vie en rose”

the Meaning

Posted in Uncategorized on June 4, 2015 by thatguymcfly

the Meaning
I’m at a point in my life where I gotta see things differently 

Gotta reevaluate the times when I was out pimping b’s

And that’s b for bitches not boys, be clear

Not homophobic at all but I’m also not queer 

Back on topic, gotta plan and strategize now

No more time to sit high and fantasize now

Can’t plot to lick thighs and try to tantalize now

It’s all different and I’m focused, let me clarify how

Spent my life fighting my past, wanting to be different

Looking at my parents and the flaws in their decisions

Feeling empty about it all, like a piece of me was missing

Forbidden now is to waste thoughts on the sinning 

I realize I built fortunes by working on Lincoln & Angelou 

Even more than I did when my hands were low

And my knees, as my body dropped down and I prayed 

Looking elsewhere for help to change me and my ways

So now my fear isn’t karma 

It’s that I’m not prepared for a son or daughter

Instead of sulking and sinking in depression my past

I work to improve myself so I’m not such an ass

Gotta make the world better so my seeds can grow

Make myself worthwhile so I have things to show

And teach. So that they can continue my mission

I’ll be dead and gone before my dreams hit fruition 

Fruits of my labor so sweet and so sinful 

How it all ends? My story has become suspenseful

I’m meant to raise them and help them live well

Can’t save them from evil like the Potter parents spell

But I can try my best and give them my all and

I think differently because now I see that this is my calling 

So believe me I’m all in, like the team from Cleveland 

No more lies and cheating, no more being mischievous

Raising a queen or a king, that’s what my dream is

And I thank God for finally giving my life some meaning