Flirtation

Hi lol

I’ve been swooned by my mania

I think I might love her

When she hits it’s like heroine

She becomes my heroin

I need it in my life and nothing else matters

Stab that needle in my vein until my fuckin skin shatters

And I’m vain so I smile and cover up my skin flaws

Concealing all my wounds, as I stumble through the halls

Bouncing off the walls when I know she’s coming through

If they could talk, they’d say “addict” and I’d just say “who”

Whew.

It’s such a high and I swear I’m never coming down

But eventually I cheat with depression and the pavement is my cloud

I’m grounded

And reality kicks in

And I can’t pick myself up because I’m gripping my sanity

Depression has a hold that’s stronger than gravity

My hands are full with this battle and my cup runneth over

I was swooned and now I’m swallowed as she whispers from my shoulder

“You can’t maintain it, the happiness is fake”

And I nod and just listen because the alternative is faint

Feint… I fake try to fight it

But it’s easier to embrace you

Because you’re what I’ve always known

You’re always there for me, better or worse

You don’t make me happy but when I lose you it doesn’t hurt

The perks of you don’t compare to what my mania gives me

But you make me feel sane about the fact that I loathe living

When the highs aren’t hitting

You’re always circling back

And if I don’t have anything, at least I have that

So I accept your advances

We grind and we’re dancin

I can’t have happiness so I’ll settle for depression

Because that manic bitch be lying

She doesn’t want me, so I’m really done trying

But one day I’ll feel different

I’ll want the old thing again

The anxiety will settle in

And she’ll be my only fix

The drug that I need to survive this shit

So I juggle both loves without a thought of selection

I think couples therapy is a very cute suggestion

But it takes time that I don’t have so I lean toward hesitation

Being fickle is the way, indecision is my turn taken

Balancing them both takes some heavy meditation

So I …commit to neither, just some light flirtation